Latest Ha Ha Hi Hi Hindi Jokes

By | June 12, 2016
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Newhindisms ka yeh post aapke liye lekar aaya hai Hindi Jokes ka khajana, Jise aap padkar ho jaonge lot pot, karte reh jaonge Ha Ha Hi Hi… Fir der kis baat ki suru karo apni hasi ko aur padte raho newhindisms.com. aur haa dosto aap Latest Ha Ha Hi Hi Hindi Jokes post ko apne friends ko whatsapp, facebook par bhi share kar sakte ho, wo kehte hai na “Haste raho aur hasate raho…”

English teacher (Madam) : Bachchon hum angreji ke kuch shabdon ko chota karke bolte hain, jaise daddy ko dad mummy ko mom etc.

Ek ladka : To hum madam ko mad (pagal) kah sakte hain.

***

Patni (Pati se) : Tum mera naam mat liya karo munna bhi naam se pukarta hai.

Pati : To kya main tumhe mummy kahoon?

***

Jailor (Kaidi se) : Kyon bhai sabhi kaidiyon se unke rishtedar milne aate hain, par tumse milne koi kyon nahi aata?

Kaidi : Kya bataaon saahab, mere sabhi rishtedar isi jail me hain.

***

Maa (Bete se) : Jo bachche roj school jate hain, wo achche aadmi bante hain.

Beta : magar master ji mujhe roj murga bana dete hain.

***

Doctor (Ladke se) : Kiske liye chashma banwana chahte ho?

Ladka : Master ji ke liye, unhe main gadha dikhai deta hoon.

***

Maa (Rajesh se) : Beta ghar main kutta kese aa gaya?

Beta : Apne pairon se.

***

“Kyon janaab, aapne bhade ke rupaiye abhi tak nahi diye?” Makan malik nr kirayedar se kaha.

Kirayedar ne jawab diya – Ji, wahi to main aapko batane wala tha. Mujhe jo bhi rupaiye mil rahe hain. Sab kagaj ke hain. Jis din mujhe bhade ke milenge us din main de dunga.

***

Mohan (Sohan se) : Aaj mujhe 100 rupaiye udhar de to dost main jiwab bhar tumhara rini rahungaa.

Sohan : Nahin yaar main itne lambe samay ke liye tumhe rin nahi de sakta.

***

Ek yatri (Kisaan se) : Kyon bhai, yadi main tumhare khet se hokar jaoon to kya 7 baje wali gaadi pakad lungaa?

Kisaan : Bilkul pakad loge aur yadi mere kutte ne aapko khet se gujarte dekh liya to 7 baje wali kya aap 6 baje waali gaadi pakad sakte ho.

***

“Kisi ke sootali mein bandhe rupaiye to nahin gire hain? Ek aadmi ne baajar me khade hokar pucha.”

“Mere gire hain.” Ek saath kai log bole. Mujhe to sirf sootali mili hain- Aadmi ne jawaab diya.

***

Ek dost ne dusre dost se kaha: Yaar tumne musibat ke samay mera saath nahi diya.

Dost : wo kese?

Pahla dost : Meri shaadi mein tum shaamil nahi huwe.

***

Mehmaan : Aakhir baat kya haimain jab bhi khana khata hoon to aapka kutta mujhe goorne lagta hai.

Ghar wala : Kyonki kutta apni plate pahchaanta hai.

***

Ek saheli ne dusri saheli se kaha : Tumhare kamre ki makkhiyaan bahot tang kar rahi hai. Bar bar udati hoon, fir bhi mere upar aa baithti hain.

Dusri saheli boli : in makkhiyon ki aadat hi aesi hai, jahaan gandagi dekhi, wahaan jhat baith gayi.

***

Gopal (sanju se) : Yaar, aaj na jaane kyon chidiya ghar dekhne ka mann kar raha hai.

Sanju : Kyon nahi kabhi kabhi bhai behnon ki yaad aa hi jaati hogi.

***

Pandit ji ne hawan karte samay chote bachche ko laddu dete huwe kaha : ise agni me dal kar kaho – swaah.

Bachcha : Usemuh me dalkar kahta hai – “aaha”.

***

Ek dost ne dusre dost se kaha yaar mujhe jaldi ghar jaane de meri patni bhookhi hogi.

Dusra dost: Waah! Tujhe kitni achchi patni mili jo khane par tera intzaar karti hai.

pahla dost : Intzaar! Kya khaak karti hai. Khana to ghar jaakar main hi banata hoon.

***

Patni (Pati se) : Is ghar ki deewar itni patli hai ki padosi hamari poori baatein sun lete hain.

Pati : Thik hai, hum apni taraf ki deewar par moti plaster karwa lenge.

Patni : Fir main unki baatein kese sunungi.

***

Beta : Pitaji ek aadmi ek se adhik shaadi kyon nahi karte hain?

Pitaji : Bade hokar samajh jaoge ki jo apni raksha khud nahi kar sakta unhe kanoon bachata hai.

***

Dopahar me ek icecream wala jor jor se chilla raha tha – khoon! Khoon! Khoon! Ek aadmi ne pucha khoon, khoon, khoon kyon chilla rahe ho?

Icecream wala bola – Is dopahar me agar main icecream- icecream chillaunga to kon ghar se bahar niklega.

***

Pita (teacher se) : Mera ladka itihaas me kaisa hai? Main jab school me tha, is Vishay me bahot kamjor tha.

Teacher : Main to yahi kahunga ki itihaas apne aap ko dohra raha hai.

***

Sanjay: Madan, tum baat karte samay munh me chini kyon rakh lete ho?

Madan : Kyonki guruji ne hamesha meetha bolne ke liye kaha hai.

***

Ek seth ji car mein ja rahe the. Achaanak unhe dhakka laga, unhone driver se pucha.

Driver: Sethji! Ek patthar samne aa gaya tha.

Seth: Bahot bewakoof ho, tumne horn nahi bajaya.

***

Judge (Abhiyukt se) : Tumne amuk aadmi ko pani mein jahar milakar kyon diya?

Abhiyukt : Huzoor, usi ne mujhse kaha tha aesa pani pilaao ki main thanda ho jaoon.

***

Bhikhari : Are fakir aaj tu yahaan station par kese bheekh maang raha hai. Kal tak to tu nandini road par bheekh mang raha tha.

Fakir: Kya bataoon yaar, nandini road wali jagah mujhe apne damad ko dahej mein deni padi.

***

Kirayedar: Aap to kahte the ki yah mohalla saaf-suthara hai, Yahaan koi bimar nahi padta! Magar yah mariyal sa aadmi kon hai?

Makan malik: Is mohalle ka doctor.

***

Ques: Chalti bus se kab utarna chahiye?

Ans: Jab hospital najdeek ho.

***

Manager: Jab tumne meri patni se kaha – Ki mujhe aaj office mein kaam hai aur bahor raat gaye ghar lotunga, to usne kya jawaab diya?

Steno: Usne kaha” To main nischint ho jaaon na?”

***

“Pandit Ji, kya ye thik hai ki koi aadmi kisi ki galti ka fayda uthaye?” “Nahin bilkul nahin” Pandit bola.

To fir aap wo rupaiye wapis de dijiye jo maine aapko shaadi krwate samay diye the.

***

Teacher: Bachchon dhyan lagakar padho.

Ek student: Guruji main to chashma laga kar padh raha hoon. Dhyan laga kar kese padhoon.

***

Teacher: Bachchon, bina daant wale do jaanwaro ke naam bataao.

Student: Sir, dada aur daadi.

***

Sohan: Sheeba, tumne mera bat dekha hai?

Sheeba: Haa

Sohan : Kahaan hai?

Sheeba : Mummy tumhare bat se kapdo ke chakke chudaa rahi hai.

***

Class me teacher ne student se kaha: Aap sabhi shanti ke saath baith jaiyr.

Sunkar students ne kaha : Guruji aa to shaanti nahi aai hai isliye neelu ke saath baith jaaye kya?

***

Ek aadmi : Tumhe bheekh maangte sharam aani chahiye. Chalo mere ghar kaam karna main tumhe paanch rupaiya roj dunga.

Bhikhari : Sirf paanch rupaiya, tu mere saath baith jaao, main tumhe dus rupaiye roj dungaa.

***

Bhikhari : De, de bhai, bhagwaan ke naam par de de.

Mahila : Sharam nahi aati, chorahe par bheekh maang rahe ho.

Bhikhari : To kya bheekh maangne ke liye daftar khol loon.

***

Teacher : Heera aur Moti me kya antar hai?

Student: Ji Heera mera naukar aur Moti mera kutta hai.

***

Teacher : Pajama kon sa vachan hai?

Student : Upar se ekvachan niche se bahuvachan.

***

Rogi : Doctor saahab, main aapka aabhari hoon, kabhi mere layak koi sewa ho to awashya hi sewa karne ka mauka de.

Doctor : Aap kya kaam karte hai?

Rogi : Kabra khodne ka.

***

Teacher : Mera khayal hai kit um mere period mein baat kar rahe the.

Student : Nahi sir! Main sote huwe baatein kar hi nahi sakta.

***

Rakeshaur sanjay aapas me lad rahe the.

Rakesh : Ye suraj hai.

Sanjay : Nahin ye chaand hai. (Wahin ek raahgir ko rok kar puchte hain)

Raahgir : Mujhe kya maalum bhai. Main yahan pardesi hoon.

***

Ek kanjoos ek din jungle se gujar raha tha ki achaanak uske paanv mein kaanta chubh gaya. Wah dard bhare swar me karaah kar bola – Ohh! shukra hai aaj naye jute pahan kar nahi aaya warna jute me ched ho jaata.

***

Doctor : Khoosh ho jaao tumhare ladke ko famous neta ki aankhein laga di hain.

Aadmi : Tabhi ti uski nazar meri kursi par padi rahti hai.

***

Ramu (Apni Maa se) : Aaj ke bad mehandi mat lagana nahin to police pakad kar le jayegi.

Maa : Police kyon le jayegi?

Raamu : aaj ke akhbaar me likha hai. Police apraadhi ko range haath pakadna chahti hai.

***

Karmachaari : Saahab is baar 50 rupaiye kam kyon?

Cashier : Pahli bar galti se 50 rupaiye jyada de diye the.

Karmachaari : Pahli galti to maaf ki ja sakti hai. Dusri galti main bardashta nahi kar sakta.

***

Father ( Bete se ) : Beta, koi aesa kaam karo jisse tumhara naam dunia ke charo kono me faile.

Beta : Ji aesa kabhi nahi ho sakta.

Father : Kyon?

Beta : Kyonki duniya gol hai.

***

Neta (Secretary Se ) : Main bhashano mein jantaa se jo jo vaayade karoon tum use jhat note kar lena.

Secretary : Ji

Neta : Kyonko chune jaane ke bad mein bhul jaana chahta hoon.

***

Chaprasi : Huzoor, raddi ke tokre mein 100 100nke do note mile hai.

Cashier : Maine hi use pheka thaw o asli nahi hai.

Chaprasi : Isiliye to wapis kar raha hoon.

***

Rekha ganit ke teacher ne pucha : Rekha aur Bindu me kya antar hai?

Jawab mila : Rekha nayika hai aur Bindu Khalnayika.

***

Muwakkil (Vakil se) : Agar aap mera mukadma jeet gaye to main scooter doonga.

Vakil : Lekin tumhare upar mukadma kya hai?

Muwakkil : Ji! Scooter chori ka.

***

Patni : Doctor saahab mere pati raat mein badbadate hain. Koi upay batiye ki unka badbadana band ho jaye.

Doctor : Us rog ko door karne ka kewal ek hi tarika hai.

Patni : Wo kya hai?

Doctor : Aap inhe din mein bolne ka moka dijiye.

***

Bahot der tak dukaan ke chakkar lagane ke bad grahak ne kuch nahi liya to dukandar ne pucha – aakhir aapko chahiyekya?

“Mauka” grahak ne kaha.

***

Papa : Raju ne itihaas ka paper kesa diya?

Mummy : Bilkul kharab! Lekin us bechare ka kya dosh hai? Sawal hi purani baton ke bare me tha, tab wah paida bhi nahi huwa tha.

***

Malik (Naukar se) : Tumne letter box me khat daal diya?

Nauar : Nahin huzoor.

Malik : Kyon nahi dala?

Naukar : Kaise dalta? Har letter box par taala laga tha.

***

Teacher (Sohan se) : Tumne abhi tak diniya ka naksha kyon nahi kharida?

Sohan : Pita ji kahte hai duniya teji se badal rahi hai. Mene soch ajab isthir ho jayegi tabhi kharidunga.

***

Chunnu : Kya tumhare sachnuch bahot paise wale hain?

Munnu : Haan pucho mat! Unka eke k daant sone ka hai.

Chunnu : Tab to we apna sir tojori mein rakh kar sote honge.

***

Vikas : Kai baar kutte malik se jyada samajdar hote hain.

Prakash : Haan tumhare kutte ko dekhkar to yahi kaha ja sakta hai.

***

Doctor ( Rogi Se ) : kao tumhe kya bimari hai?

Rogi : Doctor saahab mujhe khana khan eke baad bhukh nahi lagti.

***

Do log aapas mein baat kar rahe the.

Pahala : Kya tum bata sakte ho bewakoof se bhi bada bewakoof kon hota hai?

Dusra : Wahi jo bewakoof se behas kare.

***

Teacher (Student se) : Bataao aadmi aur gadhe me kya antar hai?

Student : Yahi ki aadmi ko gadha kaha ja sakta hai par gadhe ko aadmi nahin.

***

Pita : Beta murgi ko garam pani se kyon nahla rahe ho>

Beta : Isliye ki murgi hamein ubla anda de.

***

Shyamu: Tum kal bageeche mein bane sher ke munh me sir fasa kar kyon latke huwe the?

Raamu : Saahsi banne ki practice kar raha tha.

***

Beta : Maa, mujhe das paisede do, kal school late ( deri ) gaya tha.

Maa : Tu school jata hai ya letne jata hai.

***

Padosan : Maine kaha kya kar rahi ho bahan?

Dusri padosan : Jhaadu laga rahi hoon.

Padosan : Yahin aakar lagaa lo na, kuch gup-shup bhi ho jayegi.

***

Ek neta ne dusre neta se kaha : Aree tumhara mickey fail ho gaya , aur tum mithai baant rahe ho?

Pahla neta : Fail paas kya mayne rakhta hai, bahumat to iske saath hai. 40 bachchon ke class mein bharti sab bachche iske saath fail huwe hai.

***

Patni ne pati se kaha – sunoji jab aap angreji sharaab piker aate ho to mujhe ‘pari’ kahte ho aur jab desi

sharaab piker aate ho to mujhe rani kahkar bulate ho. Bas itna bata do aaj konsi sharaab piker aaye ho jo

mujhe ‘chudel’ kah kar bula rahe ho.

***

Customer : Kya aap paasport size me mera aesa photo khinch sakte hai, jisme mera sir aur joote dono nazar aaye?

Photographer : Kyon nahin kyon nahin! Aap apne joote sir par rakh kar baith jaiye.

***

Pita : Beta, aaj school me shaitaani to nahin ki?

Beta : Pita ji, aaj to main shanty se bench par khada raha.

***

Teacher : Prachin lanka ko sone ki lanka kyon kaha jata tha?

Student : Isliye kaha jata tha kyonki kumbhkaran din raat sota tha.

***

Dukaandar (Naukar se): Grahak jo bhi kahe use sahi maan lena chahiye, usse bahas nahi karni chahiye. Wese tumhare sath wo jhagda kyon kar raha tha?

Naukar : Wok ah raha tha, “Tumhara malik chor hai.”

***

Pita : Bete ko ginti sikha raha tha, Ikaai ke bad dahaai, sekda, hazar, lakh, crore aur arab aata hai, arab ke bad kya aata hai?

Beta : Ji, Arab ke bad Iran aata hai.

***

Ek aadmi ne dusre aadmi se railway station par pucha : Sir, puchtaach karyalay kidhar hai?

Dusre ne jawab diya : Enquiry office se pata kijiye.

***

Teacher (Student se) : Sabse jyada ande dene wale prani ka naam batao?

Student : Ji, Examiner.

***

Ek chor ko chori ke jurm me jeep par betha kar jail le jaya ja raha tha. Wah bahot khush tha. Sipahi ne pucha tum itne khush kyon ho?

Chor ne kaha : Aaj main pahli bar jeep par betha hoon.

***

Adhikari (Majdoor se ) : Sabhi majdoor do do boriyan lad kar le ja rahe hain aur tum ho ki ek le kar ja rahe ho.

Majdoor ( Adhikari se ) : Shri maan we sab aalsi hain, tabhi to do chakkar lagane se gabrate hain.

***

Beta ( maa se ) : Maa, kya peela rang mehanga milta hai?

Maa : Nahin to!

Beta : Magar pados wali aunty to kah rahi thi ki beti ke haath pile karne mein laakh rupaiye lagenge.

***

Judge (Chor se) : Tumne sunar ki dukaan se gahne kyon churaye?

Chor : Judge saahab, dukaan ke bahar likha tha “ Sunahre moke ka labh uthaye.”

***

Teacher (Student se) : Tumhara naam kya hai?

Student : Roop Prakash

Teacher : Angreji me jawab do.

Student : Sir, My name is face light.

***

Employee (Boss se ) : Meri salary badha dijiye sir, ab meri shadi ho gayi hai.

Boss : Karkhane ke bahar hone wali durgatnao ke liye hum jimmedar nahin hai.

***

Maa : Bete tu ye kesi machis laya hai. Ism eek bhi tili nahin hai?

Beta : Maa aapne hi to kaha tha ki machis dekhkar lana, tiliyan sili hui mat lana. So maine machis ki sari tiliyaan jalakar dekh li.

*****

Agar aapka hamara yeh post Latest Ha Ha Hi Hi Hindi Jokes ne aapko kar diya hai hasne ko majbur to jarur share kariye apne dosto ke sath. aur comment karna na bhule… Thank you…
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