Husband Wife Jokes in Hindi Part-2

By | July 3, 2017
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Newhindisms ka yeh post aapke liye lekar aaya hai Husband wife jokes in hindi, Aap iss post ko apne friends ke sath whatsapp, facebook par bhi share kar sakte ho”

Patni: Suno ji, aapki wo blue shirt mujhse jal gayi ha.
Pati: Koi baat nahi Darling, mere paas wesi ek aur shirt hai.
Patni: Pata hai, tabhi to mene us shirt me se kapda kaat kar
jail hui shirt par laga diya hai …!!
pati-patni-jokes-21

***

Newly Married Wife: Yadi sasural pahonchne ke baad
gharwaalo ne mujhe gaana gaane ke liye kaha to main
kya karungi?
Pati: Tab tum gaana suna dena, taki farmaish karne walo
ko apni galti ka ehsaas ho jaye …!!

***

Pati: School ke jamane me main jidhar se bhi
gujarta tha, ladkiyon ki najarein mujh par hi
tiki rahti thi.
Patni: Main to aaj bhi yahi kahti hoon ki tumhe
kisi chidiya ghar me hona chahiye tha …!!

***

Patni: Aji, sunte ho, Bablu to aajkal jhuth par jhuth
bolna sikh raha hai. Jaise sach bolna to use aata hi nahi hai.
Pati: Maan ke gun to bachcha pahle sikhta hai,
pita ke gun to usme dheere dheere hi aaenge …!!

***

Santa (Preeto se): Tum kon ho?
Preeto (Santa se): Ab tum apni biwi ko bhi bhul gaye?
Santa: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai …!!

***

Patni ne pati ko kaha: Please meri aur munh karke so jaao…
Mujhe darr lag raha hai…
Pati: Achcha! Bas apni hi chinta hai, main bhale hi
dar dark ke mar jaaun …!!

***

Pati: Priye, kaan me kuch aesi meethi baat kah do,
jisse ki mere paanv jameen par hi na pade.
Patni (Kaan ke paas ja kar junjhulate hue) : Jaao, faansi laga lo …!!

***

Patni: Shaadi par jo tumne sone ki ring di thi, wo aaj kahin gir gayi.
Pati: Aaj hi mere coat ki pocket se 100 Rs. Chori hue,
Kher koi baat nahi.
Patni: Kyun?
Pati: Tumhari ring mil gayi.
Patni: Sach, kahan mili?
Pati: Usi pocket me, jisme se 100 Rs. gayab hue hain …!!

***

Pati: Pet me gadbad hai.
Patni: Aajwaine le lo…
Pati: Thik hai, tum kah rahi ho to,
aaj wine le leta hu …!!
pati-patni-jokes-22

***

Bima company k eek agent se ek sahib ne aakar pucha:
Yadi main apni patni ka bima karau aur kal wo mar jaaye
to mujhe kya milega?
Bima agent ne bade aaram se jawab diya: Jail ya faansi…!!

***

Judge (Lady se): Tumne apne pati ke sir par kursi de maari
aur wo tut gayi?
Lady (Judge se): Ji haan, magar ye mera irada nahi tha.
Judge (Lady se): Yaani tumhari niyat pati par hamla karne ki nahi thi.
Lady (Judge se): Ji nahi, meri niyat kursi todne ki nahi thi …!!

***

Patni: Jab main mar jaungi, to tum kya karoge?
Pati: Main bhi mar jaunga.
Patni: kyun?
Pati: Kyunki kai baar jyada khushi se bhi aadmi mar jata hai …!!

***

Patni: Kya baat hai, jab bhi tum apne sasural jaate ho,
bahut sahme se rahte ho. Jab shaadi karne gaye the, us din to
bahut akad rahe the.
Pati: Us din main akela nahi tha, puri baarat ke saath tha …!!

***

Pati: Ye mirror tumhari wajah se tuta hai.
Patni: Bilkul nahi, tumhari wajah se tuta hai.
Mene tumhe phooldaan phenk kar maara tha,
yadi tum apni jagah se nahi hat te to mirror kabhi nahi tuta …!!

***

Patni: Aaj aap bhot der se ghar aaye.
Pati: Aur tum itni raat tak jag kar kya kar rahi ho.
Patni: Main 5 ghante se aapke intzaar me jag rahi thi.
Pati: Aur main 5 ghante se isi intzaar me khada tha ki
tum so jao to main andar aaun …!!

***

Pati: Chalo aaj kisi hotel me chal kar khana khate hai.
Patni: Kyun, kya mere haath ke bane khane se boar ho gaye ho?
Pati: Nahi, darasal, aaj bartan saaf karne ka man nahi kar raha …!!

***

Patni: Ye lijiye, baalo ko majboot karne wale oil ki bottle…
Pati: Par mere baal to jadte hi nahi.
Patni: Ye aapke liye nahi, Aapki secretary ke liye hai …!!
pati-patni-jokes-23

***

Lambe operation ke baad behoshi tutne par ek mariz ne aankhe
kholkar kamjor lafje me kaha: main kahan hu,
kya swarg me pahonch gaya hu?
Patni: Nahi pyaare, abhi filhaal tum narak me ho.
Pati: Saboot?
Patni: Kya main saboot ke tor par kam hoon?

***

Patni: Suno Ji, Aapke birthday ke liye itne MAST kapde liye hai…
ki bs pucho hi mat…
Pati: Love u Janu, Lao dikhao…
Patni: Haan, abhi pahan ke aati hoon…

***

Patni: Is bus ke conductor ne meri insult ki hai.
Pati: Bhala, wo kaise?
Patni: Jab main bus se utari to conductor ne kaha
teen sawariyan is seat par aa jaye…!!

***

Shadi ka function chal raha tha. Raman bhi apni
patni ke saath shadi me pahoncha. Thodi der me patni ne dekha ki
Raman kisi mahila se gul mil kar hanste hue baatein kar raha hai.
Patni ne Raman ke paas aakar kaha: Ye iodex main ghar jakar
tumhare sir ke ghaav par laga dungi.
Raman: Lekin mere sir me gaanv kahan hai?
Patni: Abhi hum ghar bhi kahan pahonche hain?

***

Patni: Arre sunte ho, ab porn movie dekhna band bhi karo,
Padosi kya sochenge, yahan mere kitchen tak aawajein aa rahi hai.
Pati: Ye kya kah rahi ho, main to women’s tennis ka match dekh raha hu…!!

***

Patni ek gun store me: Ji mujhe apne pati ke liye ek revolver kharidna hai.
Dukandar: Ji aap apne pati ki pasand batayengi, yani kis brand name ka?
Patni: Kisi bhi company ka chalega ji, bas mera pati do goliyon me hi
dher ho jaana chahiye.…!!

***

Doctor: Ye mar chukka hai…
Tabhi marij bol pada: Main jinda hoon…!
Marij ki patni: Tum chup raho ji, hamesha apni
chalate ho, itna bada doctor kya jhuth bolega?

***

Patni: Aaj hamari shaadi ki saalgirah hai, chalo murga banate hain
Pati: Haan, lekin apni galti ki saja bechare murge ko kyun de rahi ho …!!
pati-patni-jokes-24

***

Patni: Suno ji newspaper me khabar hai ki ek aadmi ne apni patni ko bech dala?
Pati: Oh! Kitne me?
Patni: Ek cycle ke badle me, kahin tum bhi to aesa nahi karoge.
Pati: Main itna murkh thode hi hu, tumhare badle me to car aa sakti hai…!!

***

Narak me ek aadmi ne shaitan se kaha: kya main apni
patni se baat kar sakta hoon.
Phone par baat hone ke bad us aadmi ne kaha: calling
karne ka bill kitna hua Sir.
Shaitan: Kuch bhi nahi Dost! Narak se Narak calling bilkul free hai …!!

***

Marte samay pati ne apni patni ko sab kuch sach batana chaha.
Us ne kaha “Main tumhe jeevan bhar dhoka deta raha.
sach to ye hai ki kai aauraton se mere najayaj sambandh the.”
Patni boli: “Main bhi sach batana chahungi. Tum bimari se
nahi mar rahe, maine tumhe dheere dheere asar karne wala
jahar diya hai.…!!

***

Pati: Sajni … apni julfon ko jara sanwar bhi liya karo?
Patni (sharmate hue): Aap bhi na…
Pati: “Maan Kasam” agar agli baar khane me baal aa gaya
to “Sajni” se “Gajni” bana dunga …!!

***

Pati: Tere baap ki jale par namak chidakne ki aadat gayi nahi.
Patni: Kyun kya hua?
Pati: Aaj fir se puch raha tha meri beti se shaadi karke
khush to ho na?

***

Shaadi ke 5 saal baad, Valentine day ke din pati biwi ke liye
white rose le kar aaya …
Biwi: Ye kya white rose? Valentine day ke din to red rose dete hai na ??
Pati: Ab jindagi me, pyaar se jyada shanti ki jarurat hai …!!

***

Patni: Pooja kiya karo, balaein tal jaegi.
Pati: Tere baap ne bahot ki hogi, uski tal gayi, mere palle pad gayi …!!

***

Patni raat ko aasmaan ke taaron ki taraf dekhte hue:
“Batao ji, wo kon si cheez hai, jo tum roj dekh to sakte ho par
tod nahi sakte?
Pati: Tera munh …!!
pati-patni-jokes-25

***

Pati apne marriage certificate ko ek ghante se dekh raha tha.
Biwi: Tum ek ghante se kya dekh rahe ho?
Pati: Expiry date dundh raha tha, saalo ne likhi hi nahi …!!

***

Patni ne naya phone liya … aur apne pati ko surprise dene ke liye
kitchen me jakar phone kiya.
Patni: Kaise ho jaanu.
Pati: Haan Darling, baad me phone karta hoon,
Abhi wo chudel kitchen me hain …!!

***

Pati (Dard se karahte hue) : Suno, mere seene me
bahot tej dard ho raha hai. Doctor ko jaldi phone karo.
Patni: Aapke mobile ka password kya hai?
Pati: Aesa karo, rahne do. Ab kuch achcha feel ho raha hai.
Shaam ko dikha denge …!!

***

Pati Patni me jhagda ho raha tha.
Patni: Main pura ghar sambhalti hoon …
kitchen sambhalti hoon … bachchon ko sambhalti hoon …
tum kya karte ho?
Pati: Main khud ko sambhalta hoon … tumhari
nashili aankhe dekhkar.
Patni: Aap bhi na … chalo batao, aaj kya banau aapki pasand ka …!!

***

Patni: Aaj to nayi kangi kharidni hi padegi.
Purani kangi ka ek daant toot gaya hai.
Pati (gusse me): Ek death toot gaya to kya tum nayi kangi kharidogi?
Patni: Chikho mat. Kharidni to padegi hi. Wo kangi ka aakhri daant jo tha …!!

***

Magan: Teri biwi tujhse kal jhagad kyun rahi thi?
Chagan: Arre yaar, aesi koi khaas baat nahi thi.
Uski photo facebook par upload karne ki jagah OLX par
upload ho gayi. Aur had to tab ho gayi jab ek ne comment kia:
Bhai ye 1970 ka kabad kisne daala hai …!!

***

Party chal rahi thi, Meena ne apne pati ko ungali se apni
aur aane ka ishara kiya.
Pati aa gaya aur puchne laga, “Kya koi kaam tha?”
Meena (Pati se): Kaam to kuch nahi tha. Bas main dekhna
chahti thi ki meri is ungali me kitni takat hai. …!!

*****

Agar aapka hamara yeh post Pati Patni Jokes in Hindi ne aapko kar diya hai hasne ko majbur to jarur share kariye apne dosto ke sath. aur comment karna na bhule… Thank you…
Pati Patni Jokes in Hindi Part-1 Ke liye yaha click kare…

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