Pati Patni Jokes in Hindi Part-1

By | July 1, 2017
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Newhindisms ka yeh post aapke liye lekar aaya hai Pati Patni Jokes in Hindi, Aap iss post ko apne friends ke sath whatsapp, facebook par bhi share kar sakte ho”

Patni ghar ki rani hai
Karti apni manmani hai
Kaam batao to chid jaegi
Shopping karao to khil jaegi …!!
pati-patni-jokes-11

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Patni agar poncha laga rahi ho,
to aese nikalna padta hai jaise usne
barudi surang bicha rakhi hai…!!

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Patni: Tum mujhse kitna pyaar karte ho?
Pati: Jitna tum soch bhi nahi sakti!
Patni: Fir bhi kitna?
Pati: Itna ki dil karta hai tumhari jaisi ek aur le aau…!!

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Pati (patni se): Tum meri zindagi ho…
Patni (khush hokar): Aur kaho achcha lag raha hai…
Pati: Aur lanat hai aesi zindagi par…!!

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Dunia me ek cheej aesi hai jo kabhi
bhi patni ki nahi ho sakti – Galti…!!

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Pati: Raja Dashrath ki 3 raaniyan thi.
Patni: To fir…??
Pati: To main 2 shaadiyan aur kar sakta hu.
Patni: Dropadi ka naam suna hai??
Pati: Tub bhi na pagli dil pe le leti hai…!!

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Pati: Jaanu mujhe neend nahi aa rahi hai.
Patni: Jaao, bartan saaf kar do.
Pati: Arre neend me bol raha hu pagli…!!

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Aaj ki patniyon ko ye samjh nahi aata ki kya kare.
Kharab kaamwali mile to khud ko kaam karna
padta hai…aur agar achchi mile to…
pati kaam kar jaata hai …!!

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Patni: Hello! Kahan ho?
Pati: Motivate kar raha hu.
Patni: Kise?
Pati: Kise kya matlab?
Arre Moti, tera wait kar raha hue ek ghante se…!!
pati-patni-jokes-12

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Patni: Suno Ji, Doctor ne mujhe ek mahina aaram
ke liye Switzerland ya Paris jaane ko kaha hai…
Hum kahan jayenge?
Pati: Dusre doctor ke paas …!!

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Ek bewakoof pati ne apni patni se pucha –
Batao, shaadi me dulha godi ki jagah gadhe par
chadhkar kyun nahi aata?
Patni ne jawab dia – Taki dulhan ek saath do
gadho ko dekhkar behosh na ho jaye…!!

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Thappad marne par naraj patni ko pati bola –
Aadmi use maarta hai jise pyaar karta hai.
Patni ne pati ko do thappad mare aur boli –
Aap kya samajhte ho ki main aapse pyaar nahi karti??

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Ek aurat apni jibh par kumkum chaval laga rahi thi.
Pati: Ye kya kar rahi ho?
Patni: Aaj vishwakarma pooja hai, Shasta poojan kar rahi hoon…!!

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Patni (Pati se): Tum jab office chale jaate ho to,
mujhe bhot gabrahat hoti hi.
Pati (Patni se): Tum chinta na karo. Main itni jaldi
laut aaunga ki tumhe pata bhi nahi chal paega.
Patni (Pati se): Yahi sochkar to aur gabrahat hone lagti hai…!!

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Patni (Pati se): Kya tum mujhse pyaar karte ho?
Pati (Patni se): Haan!
Patni: Lekin tumhe to meri koi parwah hi nahi hai.
Pati: Pyaar karne wale kisi ki parwah nahi karte…!!

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Patni (Pati se): Jo aadmi chori karta hai,
Wo apni jindagi me kabhi na kabhi jaroor
Pachtata hai.
Pati (Patni se): Haan thik kehti ho, Shaadi se pahle
maine tumhara dil churaya tha, aaj tak pachta raha hoon…!!

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Police: Hame aapke ghar ki talashi leni hai.
Suna hai aapke ghar me visfotak samagri hai.
Aadmi: Saheb, khabar to pakki hai….par
abhi wo mayke gayi hai…!!
pati-patni-jokes-13

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Pati (Patni se): Aaj sunday hai, to mene socha,
Kuch aesh ki jaaye.
Patni (Pati se): Wo kaise?
Pati (Patni se): Ye lo picture ki 3 ticket.
Patni (Pati se): 3 kiske liye?
Pati (Patni se): Ek tumhare liye aur 2
tumhare mummy papa ke liye…!!

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Patni: Kal raat tum neend me mujhe gaaliyaan
kyun de rahe the?
Pati: tumko galatfehmi hui hai.
Patni: Kaisi galatfehmi?
Pati: Yahi ki main soya hua tha…!!

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Patni: Dear, Kya kabhi tumhare dil me ye
khyal aaya hai ki meri shaadi kisi aur se
ho jaati to achcha hota.
Pati: Bilkul nahi.
Patni: Sach
Pati: Main kisi aur ka bura kyun chahunga? …!!

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Pati: Main tumse ek baat kahna chahta hoon.
Patni: kya?
Pati: Shaadi se pahle mere 10 affair the.
Patni: Ab jab kundali mili hai to gun to milenge hi …!!

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Pati ne patni se ek cup chai banana ke lie kaha.
Patni (se): Tum khud bana lo.
Pati (Patni se): Mere sir me dard hai.
Patni (Pati se): Mere gale me dard hai.
Pati (Patni se): Thik hai to tum mera sir daba do.
main tumhara gala daba deta hoon…!!

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Pati ne patni se ek cup chai banana ke lie kaha.
Patni (se): Tum khud bana lo.
Pati (Patni se): Mere sir me dard hai.
Patni (Pati se): Mere gale me dard hai.
Pati (Patni se): Thik hai to tum mera sir daba do.
main tumhara gala daba deta hoon…!!

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Patni: Aji kya ye sach hai ki rupaiye paise bolte hain?
Pati: Haan, kahte to aesa hi hai.
Is par patni boli: To fir tum mujhe kuch paise de jaana.
Main ghar me akeli bethi boar hoti rahti hu…!!

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Patni (Pati se): Jab main piano baja rahi thi usi samay
kisi ne meri aur ek joota phenka.
Pati (Patni se): Oh! To tum ek gaana aur gaao shayad
dusra joota bhi aa jayega…yaar kam se kam free me
ek jodi joote to mil jaenge…!!
pati-patni-jokes-14

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Patni ne ulahane bhare swar me kaha,
“Agar tum akal se kaam lete to har mahine itni
bachat kar lete ki mere liye kam se kam 2 saadiyan
jarur kharid lete.”
“Agar main akal se kaam leta to mujhe saadiyon ko
kharidane ki kabhi naubat hi nahi padti.”
Pati ne muskura ke jawab dia …!!

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Ek sahib ne chemist se medicine kharidate samay usse
kaha, “medicines ko alag alag packate me rakh kar us par
likh dijiye ki konsi meri biwi ki hai aur konsi mere kutte ki.
Main nahi chahta ki medicines badal jaye aur mere kutte
ko kuch ho jaye”…!!

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Ek din romantic novel padhte hue patni ne pati se pucha:
“Agar koi khoobsurat ladka mujhe bhaga kar le ja raha ho
aur tum samne aa jao to tum kya karoge?”
Pati: “Main usse kahunga, Ae khuda ke nek bande,
bhagakar le jaane ki kya jarurat hai, aaram se le jao …!!

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Court me ek joda talak lete hue…
Pati: Main apni patni se khush nahi hu!
Patni: Pura mohalla khush hai to aapko kya problem hai …!!

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Patni: Main har roj puja karti hu….kaash
ek din Shri Krishna ke darshan ho jaye!
Pati: Ek baar Meera Bai ban kar jahar pile…
Shri Krishna kya, saare bhagwan ke darshan ho jayenge.…!!

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Patni: Mere Pita Ji jab gaate the to udte hue
panchi gir jaya karte the.
Pati: Kya tumhare Pitaji munh me kartoos bhar kar gaate the…!!

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Patni: Mene dunia ki sabse beautiful lady ko dekha,
Us par wo kapde bhot achche lag rahe the.
Pati: Achcha, fir?
Patni: Fir kya? Main aaine ke samne se hat gayi …!!

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Pappu kangal hone par biwi se bola:
Tum bachchon ko apni nani ke yahan bhej do….
aur tum apni maa ke paas chali jaao.
Mera kya hai! Main apne sasural chala jaunga …!!
pati-patni-jokes-15

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Pati: Main bewakoof tha, jo mene tumse shaadi ki.
Patni: Bilkul. Darasal, main pyaar me is kadar dubi thi,
ki mene notice hi nahi kiya …!!

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Pati-patni aapas me baat kar rahe the,
Tabhi patni ne pati se pucha: kya tum mujhse
sach me pyaar karte ho.
Pati: Ye bhi koi puchne ki baat hai.
Patni: Vaada karo ki meri maut ke bad tum har roj
meri kabra par aaya karogge
Pati: Haan-haan, nischint raho. Kabristan mere
office ke raaste me hi padta hai …!!

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Pati: Pichle ek ghante se chai ka wait kar raha hu.
Itni der tak tum balcony me kya kar rahi thi?
Patni: Pados wali Mrs. Sharma se baatein kar rahi thi.
Pati: Itni der tak jab baat karni thi to unhe ghar par hi kyun nahi bula lia?
Patni: Mene unse kaha tha, par wo boli mere paas time nahi hai …!!

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Pati: Aese jeevan se achcha hai ki main mar jaun Prabhu,
tu mujhe utha le.
Patni: Bhagwan inse pahle mujhe utha le.
Pati: Prabhu, tu iski sun, main apni arji wapas leta hoon …!!

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Pati: Kal tum mayke gayi thi to raat ko ghar me chor ghus aaye.
Unhone mujhe khub maara-pita, yahan tak ki mujhe murga
bhi bana diya.
Patni: Kya aapne shor nahi machaya?
Pati: Main koi darpok tha jo shor machata …!!

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Ek din main Pande Ji ke ghar ke paas se nikal raha tha
to mujhe unke ghar se ajab ajab aawaj sunai dene lagi.
Ghar ke darwaje par unka ladka betha hua tha, mene
usse pucha ki beta mummy kya kar rahi hai?
Bachcha: Kapde dho rahi hai.
Main: Aur Papa kya kar rahe hain?
Bachcha: Uncle, Mummy jo kapde dho rahi hai,
use Papa pahne hue hai …!!

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Agar aapka hamara yeh post Pati Patni Jokes in Hindi ne aapko kar diya hai hasne ko majbur to jarur share kariye apne dosto ke sath. aur comment karna na bhule… Thank you…
Majedar Tanatan Hindi Jokes Ke liye yaha click kare…

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